The reluctant Cantabrigian.
Coming around to honouring my bittersweet experience as a Tunku Abdul Rahman scholar.
Advice for potential applicants:
"As cliché as it may sound, I truly believe that it is important to muster a sense of courage and confidence when writing your application. I confess that I did not think I was deserving of this scholarship, despite the overwhelming support I had from my mentors, Professor Syed Farid Alatas and Dr Sumit Mandal and friends. Applying to study at Cambridge can be a very intimidating process, especially for applicants like myself, coming from a modest background. Upon learning that not only had I received my offer, but also the Tunku scholarshi, it made me realise that putting your best foot forward and letting everyone know how dedicated you are to your research goals could result in a life-changing experience.
"It is also crucial to have a support system of academics, friends and family near and far as you undertake your journey into the postgraduate universe. Writing coursework papers and the dissertation can be a rather intense period. Always remember to reconnect with those that matter to you, recalibrate by exercising self-care and give priority to your physical health. It is not just about achieving academic excellence; it is also about learning more about yourself! So don’t forget to breathe and enjoy all that Cambridge has to offer."
Recently, my alma mater St Catharine’s College published a feature about my journey to becoming a recipient of the Tunku Abdul Rahman Fund. This series of profiles feature former and current recipients of the scholarship. You can read more here.
It felt so strange to do this since I hardly spent any time in Cambridge due to Covid, struggling with several comorbidities (diagnosed and undiagnosed) and meeting high expectations I’ve set for myself. I missed most of my classes in the second (or as they call it, Lent) term because I became so ill, I was bed-ridden and felt isolated during seminars. Cambridge caused me a lot of heartbreak in a short amount of time. Ironically though, it gave me the space I needed to learn and grow into myself a lot more.
I spent so much time questioning whether I deserved this opportunity because I did not believe I came from the “right” socio-economic background. In fact, this was reiterated to me on a daily basis by some of my classmates. I will never forget that time when I sat down and listen to a couple of them gloat about how wonderful their private schooling education was before they turned to look at me and ask patronisingly, “So… what is like studying History in the Malaysian state school system?”
Until today, I would not know how to adequately and authoritatively answer this question - hence why I founded a nonprofit organisation dedicated to interrogating this issue.
Writing for this feature was a really timely, important exercise to remind me of the resilience and strength I’ve built through the years to get here. My grandparents were raised and brutalised in Malaya’s plantations, my parents did not have a myriad of educational opportunities for upward social mobility in 1970s Malaysia. Yet, somehow from Kuala Krai and Jasin, to Senawang, Subang, Semenyih, I became the first in my family to go to Cambridge on a prestigious scholarship and pursue a career in the Humanities and nonprofit organising.
Looking back, I never expected to come this far. I wouldn't be where I am if it were not for the amazing support system of mentors and friends I've built over the years. Someday, I hope that I will be able to pay it forward and help others like me to close these gaps of privilege and find themselves in a place where they can honour their experiences while meaningfully contributing to their community.
Now that some form of recognition has been given to me in a permanent web archive, all I need is to finally receive my certificate (that’s probably gotten lost in transit) to officially close this chapter in my life. 😬
Signing off,
A reluctant Cantabrigian.